Life

Life can really suck sometime. When you feel down about anything, and if you don’t have someone who is going to hold your hand through those shitty times….life sucks even more. Like a black hole that sucks you into an eternity of blackness. Not many people have someone to hold their hand, even if you are in a relationship…that partner of yours doesn’t necessarily understand that they are the one that needs to be there for you. A lot of people want to give up on life because they feel lost in the darkness. Read on…and read it all. I may go all over the place, but that is how I am.

My whole life I grew up without a father, or even a father figure. My mother was the one to raise my two siblings and I completely on her own. She didn’t really have that person to hold her hand even when she was married to my alcoholic ex-stepfather. He never held her hand through those dark times. ¬† Isn’t that what marriage is though? “Through the good and the bad, in sickness and in health”. And a relationship….do most people just look at it as a person to claim as their property? Does no one see anymore the point of a relationship? To find that person to share your life with..the good, the bad…all of it.

I wanted to get married, but now I’m not so sure….I wanted to have kids (I still sort of do) but I’m not sure I want to bring a child into this shameful world. I don’t want to see them hit dark times like I have, even though I would be that person to hold their hand…sometimes kids can’t always tell their parents. My mother is the one who holds my hand, even though I can’t tell her somethings I want to vent about. And my boyfriend holds my hand…but men SUCK at communication. Listen to what I have to say, how something you do or say makes me feel. Put yourself in my shoes and tell me how it’d make you feel if I did it. I know I don’t always think things through, but most of the time I do.

Anyways, there are a lot of people out there….thinking about how terrible life is. How life is so bad it might not be worth it. I promise you it is. No matter how dark your life is, it is worth it. If you don’t have that person to hold¬† your hand, there is hope that you will find someone in a similar position that WILL hold your hand. That will be your support. No life is perfect. Everyone is battling the darkness, and unfortunately some people have more darkness surrounding them than others. But everyone can and will find that hand to hold. You just have to stick it out, and in the end you will be glad you did. Don’t let the darkness take ahold of you, because when you cave that darkness you had will fall onto someone else. And most of the time, that darkness will fall onto loved ones because of the absence they feel with you not there for them. Maybe you are that hand to hold to someone else.